You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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