Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
