it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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