3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
