It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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