you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
