Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
