it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
