i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
