I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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