The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
