she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
