She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
