On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
