Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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