come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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