i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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