Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
