i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
