you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
