i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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