Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
