Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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