i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
