Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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