I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
