So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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