Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
thus making me awesome and them whores
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
