Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
