do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
