We're like a lot better than the average bears
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
