Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize