if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Randomize
