I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Randomize
