I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
