you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
