my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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