Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
