It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
