Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
