I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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