I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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