it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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