jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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