why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
