There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
