my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
