Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
