I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
