Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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