Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
