at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
