Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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