Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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