do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
