Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
