This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
