i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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