I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
