I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
