There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
