I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
