The police scanner is talking about you again....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
