So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
