I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
