Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
pray to the hookup gods
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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