I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
