he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
