I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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