Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
