You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
