she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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